Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
