I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
