I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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