Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
