the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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