I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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