they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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