you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
two words...techno handjob
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
