you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
