I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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