SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
