New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Everything about him screamed your future.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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