all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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