He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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