"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
