Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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