census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
