Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
