meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
