He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
