at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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