i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
