my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
