Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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