I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
