ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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