I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
