In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
