Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
honey bunches of taint.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
