Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just high enough for therapy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
