That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
