If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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