I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
where am i from again
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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