thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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