My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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