(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
