Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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