I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
