I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
