its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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