Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
