He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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