Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Panties = found
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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