So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Found the puke drawer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
