New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am available for nakedness
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
