When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Reggie can tackle my bush.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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