I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
