Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
