That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
