My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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