Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
