Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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