She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
