I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
