I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
