How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
