when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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