Apparently you make a good broom.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
