Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
