Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
