I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
